First of all I would like to thank you for coming. Your story is amazing and I consider myself fortunate to have been able to hear your lecture and learn from your wisdom. Putting my hand over my heart and being present with my breath has become a daily morning ritual for me now. It is such a short couple of minutes and yet it feels so important. It is amazing how that simple act made me realize how we never stop to be aware of our breath and the life it brings to us. I will always remember your words, "If you want to do this kind of work, you have to be present".

I am extremely curious about trauma and resiliency in children. The horrors that you experinenced were beyond what one child could ever imagine and yet you survived. You were able to find a way to escape your current reality and cope the only way you knew how. I find it hard to fathom that a child could survive and find the success you have in dealing with such trauma. I am curious as to your theory or ideas about what predisposes (if anything) one child's ability to derive a strong coping mechanism (in your case DID) and survive and yet does not manifest itself in another child in a similar situation. Or, do you feel that a child's ability to cope/overcome such trauma is developed through interpersonal relationships/experiences later in life and the coping mechanism during the trauma is automatic (genetic?) I have known cases where two siblings grew up in the same enviornment, were exposed to the same abuse and one became strong while the other withered. Do you remember any specific time during your childhood trauma that you made a conscious decision that you were going to survive and if so, what was the thought process involved in that decision?

I think the will to survive is instinctual. I can’t say that there was one conscious choice to survive but and instinctual will to live in all beings.
Nature or nurture continues to be a debate. We do learn coping mechanisms from our primary caregivers. So, if I am raised by a multiple and I have the capacity to dissociate will I choose to dissociate over some other form of coping? Probably.

However, my belief is that each soul chooses it’s journey to learn whatever lesson it needs to learn. The soul that desires to learn about life from varied aspects may choose dissociation this lifetime. Perhaps the schizophrenic desires to learn how to hear other perspectives. Perhaps the perpetrator was a victim the last time around and now is choosing to learn the other side.

While this is great in theory, it is not helpful information for the one who is hurting in the moment. It is easy to say, “learn your lesson”. It is quite another to move from victim, survivor to thriving. It is the souls journey and often a very painful lesson. So, it is not my intent trivialize but to empower ourselves. If I can step back for a moment and watch the drama and not be in it, perhaps my emotions can detach long enough to realize that, “Hmm… I, really, don’t have to be angry, or feel shame, etc.” I deserve to loved and if nobody else can then I will nurture myself. Then I realize that when I nurture myself that I unconsciously nurture you also.

When I expect to be victimized. I am victimized. When I expect love and nurturing. I receive love and nurturing. And those that choose to stay within their victim mentality, their delusions, their addictions, their dark side, then applaud their courage to remain within their lesson. We are constantly telling people that they need to be a different way rather than embrace our diversity and coexist. I find that when I allow people to just be who they are, that is where they find the courage to change.
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Many Blessings,
Angel