It is a passion to remember who I am. It is my journey of self discovery and healing. I am a little more healed everytime I share.

Rigorous Honesty is a concept that I learned about in AA. We are in so much denial about our own being and consequently we are in a constant state of maintaining some mask or image that we want people to see or at least think it’s what people want to see. Trying to fit into someone else’s box. All of that denial, lying, keeping up pretenses takes an enormous amount of energy. All because we are afraid that “they” won’t like us if we don’t. And then “they” still don’t like us. It’s time to “STOP THAT!”

So, what if I just be who I am? You are not going to be liked by everyone, anyway. That is life. But you find out that people tend to love you much more when you are just being you and not trying to be some semblence of you that you think they want to see. Having come full circle in this cycle of life. I have learned that it is just easier to be perfectly honest with myself which leaves me with no fear of being perfectly honest with you. You cannot hurt me because when I am safe within myself.

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The Drama. We get stuck in the drama. What if we pretend that life is just one grand movie. Today I have chosen to play the part of the writer and you the reader. In the next scene, you will go about some mundane task as I play out cooking a meal. Tomorrow you will play the audience and I will be the speaker and the so the drama goes on. Some of us have chosen to play the part of the villain and perpetrator and when the enemy does an impeccable job of being evil, we denigrate the importance of the villain role. Every good drama has one. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. The human experience being the life drama we are creating. But we get stuck in the drama. We get stuck in the emotions and events of the drama not realizing that it isn’t real. It is an illusion.

Then forgiveness becomes an illusion. Because there is no judgment in the universe. The villain, the enemy is just playing her part so that I can learn my lesson in compassion. Learn compassion and my enemy's job is done. The perpetrator needs a victim. When I stop being the victim. I stop attracting the perpetrator. Then the perpetrator must find a new job. Perhaps even learn compassion when I am able to thank them for teaching me compassion. Then we will stop the cycle of violence. The “enemy” is also a spiritual being having a human experience. She also just wants to be loved.

So, what if I could remember that life is just a movie, step back, and look at the roles that are being played around us. If I could realize that I am directing the movie. I don't have to let the drama happen to me, I can co-create a joyous life. I can step back and take responsibility for the direction. I am absolutely responsible for everything in my life. That is scary. I can’t blame my mom, my uncle, my job or my circumstances. I created my life’s circumstances to learn a lesson. If I don’t learn the lesson then it was a waste. Then, I did suffer in vain. I will not allow my suffering to have been in vain. I have suffered enough and I choose to suffer no more. I choose to live in peace, joy, tranquility, love and ease. I don’t have to do it the hard way.

When I am, absolutely, responsible for my life then I don’t have any body to blame. If it’s my responsibility, if I created this mess than I can change it too. That is empowering. Pretty simple, really. Make new choices. Accept responsibility and Believe that I can do it. Simple but not easy.

Making a new choice doesn’t always magically change things. The emotions don’t just go away. The problems don’t just magically disappear. The new choices have to be consistent, with every thought and behavior. Behavior changes take time and practice. Bad habits die hard. Practice, practice, practice. That’s the part I don’t want to hear. I want things to change magically, instantaneously without the work. Well, it doesn’t work that way. Practice, Practice, Practice.

Your past reality is starting to shine through more and more. Less and less shame. The power of your experience and healing is a testament in a greater will/greater good. Your spirituality comes through without you using a word.

This is what your captive audience needs to be witness to. Change the paradigm that "you" are wrong, bad. Change in the mind of the student that you are a person, nothing less. "Mentally Ill" or whatever is politically correct becomes a sterotype of incompetence or stupidity.

The work you're doing is priceless in changing our current reality. And it all comes back to me. I enjoy how your experience in healing has encouraged and supported a new outlook and facilitates work on the inner self. I feel anyone who listens will walk away with something to use for the future. For whatever intent. It inspires a self awakening or realization of what life is. How precious the moment is. How lucky I am to have a life with you in it.

You are getting better with your message and your audience is becoming more and more in tune. You words mean just as much as your presence and the things you choose not to say. As the machine begins to change, your work begins the instiutional transformation in thinking that is necessary in the mental health system and in our own minds.

Your message is very subtle and obvious from where you stand now. Some may miss it or not fully comprehend it until later. But who you are comes through to those that listen. The importance of your truth does it's good work. Your suffering is still submerged and may need more of a voice. But maybe not.

Thank you for speaking our truth without ego. Thank you for shining the light into the dark.