I have been looking at this question for a week now trying to decide where to begin. So, I guess that I should just begin.
At the time, I thought it was great that cameras were not permitted. That the public was not traumatized by the daily scenes. We were already so traumatized by the event. However, in the aftermath of war, Tsunami's and Katrina, the masses have not been spared the horrific scenes. So why at Ground Zero?
They were trying despartely to maintain a "crime scene" but that excuse wanes quickly especially when by the end of the first week everything was just being shoveled out in dump truck loads.
Sure there were horrific moments of discovering a personal item- a wallet, shredded pants and body parts.
However, what I think is most interesting is that most accounts of the events of September 11th end at midnight on September 11th. When in actuality a self-contained community arose within the perimeter of Ground Zero that you occasionally see glimpses of. But Ground Zero became a village with the lives and dramas of hundreds of thousands of rescue workers, construction workers, military, volunteers, etc.
For almost a year but particularly in the initial phase of recovery we lived in the Kingdom of Ground Zero oblivious to the rest of the world because we were intially in a media vaccuum.
It wasn't always horrifying but it was always tenuous and the emotion was always overwhelming. This constant feeling of powerlessness. There really isn't anything that we can do to save anyone, fix anything and no idea of what had really happened. Was the rest of the world at war? Don't know. Just gotta do the next right thing.
It is not my intent to make politcal statements and it isn't like there is some big secret that is being kept. It is that the impact to thousands of us everyday people who get up and go to work everyday is forgotten. Not even forgotten. Never told. But, I guess, for the same reason, I've not told it. I don't trust "you", the collective "you" to understand the enormity of our experience. My fear of judgment is greater than my belief in your understanding. That really isn't fair to "you" as I read this over but my past has left me very untrusting so I have held things close to the vest. But I'm finally able to talk about it more. Thank you for asking. Thank you for giving me the courage to speak my truth.

Many Blessings,
Angel

Self-responsibility. We are each, ultimately, responsible for ourselves. We should each have a plan for how am going to survive if something happens. Play out your fears. Then you don't have to be afraid anymore because you know what to do when.......
As for keeping close to the vest. Well, one I want you to buy my upcoming book Many Voices, Many Song
But, judgment.Yes but Not about our work. We were firefighters, police officers and Nurses. We did our jobs the same we would anywhere else.

I have feared that you will judge my experience.The media was set up outside the perimeter around the clock. As soon, as Ann and I would step out of the perimeter, a reporter would put a microphone in our faces and ask, "What's it like in there?" "Have you found any survivors?" and a repetoire of questions. Usually we ignored them and moved on. On one occasion a reporter place a microphone before me and asked, "What I thought about what had happened?" I began to reply,"Violence begets violence....." The microphone was quickly moved over to Ann. She articulated the anger and fear that was prevelent and spoke for several minutes. I never had an opportunity to say another thing. So, yes, I am afraid of what you might think. Because for most people September 11, 2001 was a socio/political event but for me it was a sacred event that changed me at the core of who I am. I do not want you to trample on that.

Many Blessings,
Angel